dec 2015

Republican Jesus ™

AUTHOR: JUSTIN ROSARIO JUNE 16, 2013 1:06 PM

Or  “How I Learned to Stop Thinking for Myself and Just Trust Republican Jesus.”

When I was a kid, I was taught that the Pilgrims fled to the New World to escape religious persecution. Somewhere in there, I learned that we don’t have a national religion and people were free to practice whatever religion they wanted. That was kind of it as far as religion went in my history classes and overall education. Sure, Jews were mentioned in the context of the Holocaust but more as a race than a religion. I did, however, attend Synagogue for a few years as an adolescent. I viewed it more as learning my heritage as opposed to actively worshiping. Even then, I was not inclined towards belief. Probably because my parents were more interested in making sure I was curious about stuff instead of learning any particular dogma. Religion was, for me, just something that other people did. It would be many years before I understood I was an atheist and even more years until I stumbled across Dawkins, Hitchens, et. al and learned how to verbalize it.

Through all of this, it never occurred to me that I would ever have to worry about a particular set of religious values being forced upon me. I always assumed that religion was a private thing, practiced in one’s home or place of worship. That was it. Even in college, I rarely came across any real religious zeal. I once took a trip down to Washington DC with the Young Republicans club because they were my friends and they invited me to go. I got to meet Oliver North (yay me?) who was so exact in his pose with each of us, from me at 6’2” to little Jen, all of 5’1”, that to this day, I cannot convince people the pictures are not of us next to a cardboard cutout.

But even with the Young Republicans during that first Bush presidency, I wasn’t assaulted with any kind of religious politics. I did find a good deal of racism which gave me a big clue about how Republicans see the world. I was totally apolitical at the time and had no idea what the difference between a Democrat and a Republican was. I didn’t read, or watch, the news and no one had ever mentioned it in any of my classes. My political education was also sorely lacking. It irritates me when I think back on it.

Fast forward to the George W. Bush years. I had been aware of the Evangelical movement back in the 80s but Creationism still wasn’t being taught in schools and Roe v. Wade hadn’t been overturned on religious grounds. But during Bush’s tenure, I started hearing the more than occasional remark about how not believing in God makes you a bad American and if you were a LIBERAL that didn’t believe in God? Scum of the Earth!

Wait a minute. Not believing in God (or, more precisely, not believing in a very specific version of God) makes me a bad American? How does that even work? This country was founded on religious freedom and the explicit separation of Church and State, wasn’t it? And that’s when I became acquainted with Republican Jesus ™.

Who the hell is Republican Jesus ™?

Republican Jesus ™ is very different than the Jesus you and I are familiar with. First off, he is White. Not just white, but White. Republican Jesus ™ has a special place in his heart for America. Specifically, White America. Do you doubt this? Ask yourself why anyone who believes in a colorblind Jesus would even conceive of praying for the death of Obama? No, only those who follow Republican Jesus ™ would even think that such a prayer could, or should, be answered. If you are currently thinking that racism has nothing to do with the unprecedented hatred of Obama, go away, I’m talking to the grownups.

Republican Jesus ™, by the way, is a big supporter of the Confederacy. Why he let them lose the War of Northern Aggression is a mystery. But all “real” Americans know that the South will rise again and Republican Jesus ™ will lead the way back to glory. Or something like that.  How the Northern and Mid-western Red states fit into this Southern revival is also a mystery.

Republican Jesus ™ loves guns. Loves them! Never mind all that silly talk of beating swords into plowshares! Every good member of the church of Republican Jesus ™ should have, at minimum, enough armament to hold off an invasion by those commie Nazi liberal hordes that are coming any day now. Or the ATF, whichever shows up first. Or maybe just enough to wipe out a schoolroom filled with kids when their excellent parenting skills manifest themselves in the next Columbine tragedy.

Remember, conservatives, to complain about anti-bullying programs being government overreach afterwards!

Republican Jesus ™ loves the rich. Ignore that whole “camel through the eye of a needle” garbage. Republican Jesus ™ wants you to be prosperous! It’s called “prosperity theology” and it percolates throughout the conservative religious fervor. God rewards the faithful with material wealth. Very spiritual stuff. If your idea of spiritual is a McMansion.

But Republican Jesus ™ is not just about love. Republican Jesus ™ also hates and, boy, does he hate!

Republican Jesus ™ hates the poor. This is the flip side of “prosperity theology”. If God rewards the faithful with riches, than the poor are obviously NOT of the faith and deserve what they get. This is, in part, why conservatives hate the social safety nets of welfare, food stamps and Medicaid. Those (and by “those” I mean those) people don’t worship Republican Jesus ™ and are unworthy of being helped. Besides if you feed them, they’ll just breed!

Republican Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer of South Carolina actually said that. And he meant it.

Republican Jesus ™ hates The Gay. They’re sinners, after all.  It says so right there in the Bible next to the part about shellfish being an abomination.  Nothing demonstrates the compassionate conservatives’ dedication to the teachings of Republican Jesus ™ like blocking legislation for same sex marriage and calling homosexuals pedophiles while enjoying a nice shrimp cocktail before a delicious lobster dinner.

Also, Republican Jesus ™ gave us AIDS, and STDs in general, as punishment for homosexuality. Of course, this ignores the fact that lesbians (a well-known subset of homosexuality) have the lowest rate of STDs, including AIDS, among all adult population groups. So as far as punishment goes, half of the “sinners” are better off than the rest of us, statistically speaking. Maybe Republican Jesus ™ likes him some girl on girl action?

Republican Jesus ™ hates Muslims. Muslims are scary because some of them do bad things to innocent people. That makes them all evil terrorists. This is not to be confused with White Christian Militia types who blow up abortion clinics or plot political assassinations in Republican Jesus’ ™ name. Those people are martyrs and heroes. Or they were crazy lone wolves having nothingto do with Republican Jesus ™. It depends on which channel you’re interviewing on, Fox or MSNBC.

Republican Jesus ™ totally hates Liberals. Liberals are the pawns of Satan George Soros trying to destroy the greatest country ever made on this 6000 year old planet (conservative moderates are almost as bad and must be expunged!). Compromising with a Liberal is a terrible sin in the eyes of Republican Jesus ™ and must not be tolerated.

Finally, Republican Jesus ™ hates science. With a passion bordering on obsession.  And that’s the topic of my next ivory tower snobby liberal thesis:  “Why DO conservatives hate science so much?”  Or “How I learned not to learn and trust my beer gut instead.”

CABINET cleaner

2 tbs olive oil

4 tbs white vinegar

enough warm water to fill a 16 oz bottle

(shake bottle while using)

BOOK notes tossed:

1  Confessions of an economic hit man  by  john perkins  2004

2  Angler the Cheney Vice Presidency   barton gillman  penguin press 2008

dec 15 2015 issue of michigan farmer news:  re fracking in MI  "Michigan Farm Bureau continues to oppose the proposal based on our member-developed policy that supports the use of hydraulic fracturing w/scientifically verified environmental safeguards said matt kapp the organization's government relations specialist"   i hope the bureau (and MI citizens) don't ever have a clean water shortage. 

oct 2015

health watch--hormones in dairy.  rBGH growth hormone may have short term performance enhancing effect of 5 to 15% more milk per lactation cycle but cows also have higher rates of mastitis, reproductive disorders, hoff problems, diarrhea and other ailments.  rbgh prohibited in canada, australia new zealand all european union nations
in us FDA approved it.  the monsanto company is the sole vendor of the drug trademarked Posilac and today some 80% of us cows are injected w/growth hormones


SPICES:  (mother earth living sept/oct 2015)
cinnamon for balancing blood sugar
turmeric lots of benefits
rosemary reduce carcinogens in meats

8 ways to boost brain power:  (same issue)
eat more brain friendly superfoods like cherries, blueberries, grapes, green tea, pomegranates, fresh ginger, legumes
curry
nuts
stretch and cycle
supplement w/vitamin E
sleep
take the road less traveled--try new things
benefits of meditation

dressing:
1/4 c honey
1/2 teas dry mustard
1/2 c apple cider vinegar
1 teas kosher salt
1 c extra virgin olive oil
1/4 teas cayenne pepper

• EverBlock™ modular building blocks
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Business

Congressional leaders hammer out deal to allow pension plans to cut retiree benefits

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The measure would alter 40 years of federal law and could affect millions of workers. (Alex Wong/Getty Images)

By Michael A. Fletcher December 9, 2014  

A measure that would for the first time allow the benefits of current retirees to be severely cut is set to be attached to a massive spending bill, part of an effort to save some of the nation’s most distressed pension plans.

The rule would alter 40 years of federal law and could affect millions of workers, many of them part of a shrinking corps of middle-income employees in businesses such as trucking, construction and supermarkets.

The measure is now before the House Rules Committee and is likely to be moved as an amendment to a massive $1.01 trillion spending bill, perhaps by late Wednesday. It is expected to pass the Senate by Thursday.

If passed, the change would apply to multi-employer pensions, where a group of businesses in the same industry join forces with unions to provide pension coverage for employees. The plans cover some 10 million U.S. workers.

Overall, there are about 1,400 multi-employer plans, many of which remain in good fiscal health and would be untouched by the deal. But several dozen have failed, and several other large ones are staggering toward insolvency.

A look inside the $1 trillion spending bill

Play Video1:28

A $1 trillion spending bill unveiled Tuesday keeps most of the federal government funded through September. Here, the Post's Ed O'Keefe points out a few of the most notable components of the legislation. (Davin Coburn/The Washington Post)

As many as 200 multiemployer plans covering 1.5 million workers are in danger of running out of money over the next two decades. Half of those are thought to be in such bad shape that they could seek pension reductions for retirees in the near future.

“We have to do something to allow these plans to make the corrections and adjustments they need to keep these plans viable,” said Rep. George Miller (D-Calif.), who along with Rep. John Kline (R-Minn.) led efforts to hammer out a deal.

But the measure in Congress is also outraging retirement security advocates, who argue that allowing cuts to plans paves the way to trims for other retirees later.

“After a lifetime of hard work to earn their pensions, retirees don’t deserve to receive a bad deal, in which they have had no say, cut behind closed doors and excluding the very people who would be impacted the most,” said Joyce Rogers, a senior vice president for AARP, the lobbying giant lobbying group for older Americans in a statement.The idea of cutting benefits is reluctantly supported by some unions and retirement fund managers who see it as the only way to salvage pensions in plans that are in imminent danger of running out of money.“This bipartisan agreement gives pension trustees the tools they need to maintain plan solvency, preserves benefits for the long haul, and protects the 10.5 million multiemployer participants,” Randy G. DeFrehne, executive director of the National Coordinating Committee for Multiemployer Plans said in a statement. “With time running out on the retirement security of millions of Americans, moving this bipartisan proposal forward now is not only timely, but necessary.”But it also has stirred strong opposition from retirees who could face deep pension cuts and from advocates eager to keep retiree pensions sacrosanct, even in cases when funds are in a deep financial hole.“We thought our pension was secure,” said Whitlow Wyatt, a retired trucker who lives in Washington Court House, a small city in central Ohio. “That was always the word. Now they are changing that.”Wyatt, 70, retired with a $3,300-a-month pension in 2000 after working more than 33 years as a long-haul driver. He could face pension reductions of 30 percent or more if Congress permits trustees of the hard-pressed pension fund to slash benefits.

The deal is aimed at helping plans such as the Teamsters’ Central States fund.

The pensions earned by truckers in the fund are among the best enjoyed by working-class people anywhere: After 30 years on the road, many of its participants are entitled to upward of $3,000 a month for the rest of their lives.

But now the fund, rocked by steep membership declines, an aging workforce and downturns in the stock market, is in dire financial straits, putting the retirement benefits of 400,000 participants in jeopardy.

In its annual report last month, the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp., the federal insurance program that backs private-sector pensions, warned that the problems facing multi-employer pensions could cause the safety net that secures them to collapse within the next decade.

If that happens, retirees depending on multi-employer plans for their pensions would receive nothing if their plans failed. (A separate PBGC insurance fund covering single-employer private pensions is in much better financial shape.) Even if the insurance fund survives, maximum coverage for people in multi-employer plans is minimal — about $13,000 a year.Although it has issued similar alerts in the past, the PBGC’s latest warning seems to have pushed Congress to move from studying a policy change to actively negotiating for one in recent weeks.The abrupt action has alarmed some pension rights advocates, who are concerned about a decline in retirement security for all Americans. They also worry about a creeping trend toward trimming pensions, citing retirement benefit cuts for government employees in Detroit and elsewhere.But managers of deeply troubled funds say that absent a federal bailout, which they call politically infeasible, cutting benefits is the only way to save them. Last week, more than 1,300 employers sent letters to members of Congress urging lawmakers to back the proposal to allow benefit cuts.“The longer we wait to take action, the more severe the impact on retirees and workers in the plans in the worst financial shape will become,” business leaders wrote. “The longer we wait, the heavier the burden will become on employers struggling to fund and extend these pension plans.”That is the situation confronting the Central States plan, which was notorious in the 1960s and ’70s for being used as a slush fund for organized crime. Since then it has operated under federal court supervision and with the help of professional fund managers. Yet that has not been enough to overcome demographic and other trends that have weakened its finances.In 1980, the Central States fund had four active participants for every retiree. Now, there are nearly five retirees or inactive members for every worker, because many unionized trucking firms have gone out of business in the decades since deregulation, Thomas C. Nyhan, executive director of Central States, told Congress earlier this year.The fund has about $18 billion in assets and pays out annual benefits of $2.8 billion to retirees. But it receives just $700 million each year from employers. Even given the strong stock market returns of recent years, that puts the plan on course to run out of money within the next 10 to 15 years, Nyhan has said.The fund ran into trouble during the dot-com crash of the early 2000s. Also, United Parcel Service, once the largest firm in Central States, paid more than $6 billion to drop out of the fund in 2007. Much of that money was lost when the market tanked in 2008, leaving the fund in perilous condition.Some see cutting benefits preemptively as the only way to keep troubled plans such as Central States afloat. Under the agreement reached by congressional negotiators, retirees over age 75 as well as those who are disabled would be shielded from any reductions. Also, any benefit cuts would be subject to a vote of plan participants.Nonetheless, many retirees feel betrayed. “I never dreamed they would pull the rug out from under us,” said Greg Smith, 66, a retired shipping clerk who retired in 2011 with a $3,000-a-month pension after 42 years on the job. “I actually retired because I was worried about them cutting pensions. I thought I would be grandfathered in with protections. But I guess not.”

Related content from The Post’s personal finance section:

Why you’re often better off saving for retirement than buying a home

What to do if your pension is frozen

Retirement mistakes people make at every age

Michael A. Fletcher is a national economics correspondent, writing about unemployment, state and municipal debt, the evolving job market and the auto industry


Mi farm news aug 15 2015
p2 guest opinion  "expelling mankind won't make earth paradise"
written by jack spencer capitol affairs specialist w/news service of the Mackinac Center for Public Policy

...mankind in all of its follies, its chaos and misadventures, has never--and probably could never---match the destruction to which nature subjects this planet and all that inhabit it.
yet, the false premise persists, fed and nurtured by a superficial dogma and emotion-driven popular culture.  changes to the planet resulting from human endeavors have come to be considered artificial, alien and illegitimate.  it seems to be forgotten that humans are as much a part of nature as anything else....the indoctrination into the false premise began decades ago.  children watched tv nature specials about species of all sorts battling to survive in delicately balanced environments.  again and again, mankind was portrayed as the villain, bringing about changes that endangered the creatures.
children who watched these dramatized presentations were not taught that species become extinct because they cannot adapt to changing environments (often brought about by other species), a natural word process.   they were not taught that more than 90% of species that inhabited this planet have gone extinct, with less that 1% of those extinctions occurring after humans came on the scene.....it is this disconnect that predisposes so many to accept the false premise that human activity is a scourge upon the earth.  and people most protected from the dangers and ravages of the natural world are the ones most easily misled.
classical environmentalism is about humans being good stewards of the earth's natural resources.
unfortunately, this has been replaced by a religious movement masquerading as science-centered environmental activism.  the core values of this movement are based on a mythical characterization of the natural world as a sort of eden.
mankind's harnessing of the planet's natural resources is viewed as the original sin.  redemption is possible only if the sin is confessed and the sinner becomes committed to restoring the earth to its natural condition...


sept 30 2015 issue: farm bureau supports HR2407 which amends current law and required that low-fat FLAVORED milk be offered to students... bill also would require "that the USDA study and report to Congress on the recent trends in fluid milk consumption in schools: carry out a pilot program to test and demonstrate strategies by which schools can increase the consumption of fluid milk, make lactose-free milk with an extended shelf life available to schools; and and allow women participating in the WIC program to receive reduced fat milk for themselves and their children upon request". farm bureau 'support increased use of dairy products and increasing the selection of food products derived from US ag...'

Union Made Candy

    

When you’re looking for something sweet, make sure you have a full supply of Union-Made-In-America treats. Here’s a brief list of choices of candy products made by members of the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union (BCTGM); snack foods by members of the United Food and Commercial Workers (UFCW); or fruit and nuts from members of the United Farm Workers of America (UFW).

Hershey Products

• Hershey Kisses
• Hershey Syrups
• Hershey Milk Chocolate Bar
• Hershey Milk with Almond Bars
• Hershey Special Dark Bars
• Hershey Nuggets
• Rolo
• Hershey Kissables

• Kit Kat Bars
• Carmello Bar
• Cadbury Fruit & Nut Bar
• Cadbury Roast Almond Bar
• Cadbury Royal Dark Bar
• Cadbury Dairy Milk Bar
• Jolly Ranchers
• Hershey Symphony Bar with Toffee

NECCO (New England Confectionery Company)

• Sweethearts
• Mary Jane Peanut Butter
• NECCO Wafers
• Sky Bar
• Clark Bar
• Canada Mints
• Candy Cupboard
• Thin Mints

• NECCO Assorted Junior Wafers
• Clark Junior Laydown Bag
• Mary Jane Laydown Bag
• Haviland
• Mallow Cups
• NECCO Peanut Butter
• NECCO Wafer Smoothies

Just Born

• Peeps
• Mike & Ike
• Hot Tamales
• Peanut Chews

• Jelly Beans
• Marshmallow Peeps & Bunnies
• Sweet Temptations

Jelly Belly’s Candy Company

• Jelly Bellies (also made in non-union plant)
• Chocolate Dutch
• Chocolate Temptations
• Dimples
• Goelitz Confections Pet Rat
• Pet Tarantula

• Candy Corn
• Licorice
• Malted Milk Balls
• Chocolate Coated Nuts and Sours
• Sunkist Fruit Gel Slices
• Goelitz Gummi

Ghiradelli Chocolates

• All filed & non-filled squares
• Non Pariels

• Chocolate chips

Nestle

• Nestle Treasures
• Laffy Taffy
• Kathryn Beich specialty candy
• Baby Ruth
• Butterfinger

• Pearson’s Nips
• Famous Old Time Candies
• Nestle Crunch
• Butterfinger Crisp

Anabelles Candy Company

• Boston Baked Beans
• Jordon Almonds
• Rocky Road
• Look

• Big Hunk
• Abba-Zaba
• Yogurt Nuts & Fruit
• U-Nos

American Licorice

• Black & Red Vines S

• Strawberry Ropes

Pearson’s Candy Co.

• Salted Nut Roll
• Nut Goodie

• Mint Patties
• Bun Bars

Frito-Lay

• Doritos
• Rold Gold

• Lays Potato Chips

Keebler

• Chips Deluxe
• Pecan Sandies

• Cheez-it
• Vanilla Wafers

Nabisco

• Corn Nuts
• Chips Ahoy!
• Oreos

• Nutter Butter
• Vanilla Wafers
• Graham Crackers

Bachman

• Pretzels
• Jax Cheese Curls
• Keystone Snacks Party Mix

• Cheese Curls
• Corn Chips

Kraft

• Snack Products

Orville Redenbacher

• Popcorn

Gimbals Fine Candies

• Jelly Beans
• Cherry Hearts

• Scotty Dogs Chocolate

Sconza Candies

• Jawbreakers

• Chocolate Covered Cherries.

Tootsie Roll Industrie

• Tootsie Rolls
• Tootsie Pops
• Tootsie Fruit Rolls

• Child’s Play
• Dots
• Mini Dots

Linette’s Chocolates

• Mini Peanut Butter
• Mint

• Caramel Cups

Fruit & Nuts

Members of the United Farm Workers (UFW) help produce various fruits and nuts with the UFW label, including products from: coastal Berry Co., Swanton Berry, Montpelier Almonds, Brown Date Gardent Dates, Mann’s California Apples, and citrus fruit from Sunkist, Sunworld, Airdrome and Big Jim.

mother earth--5 beauty ingredients to avoid
1.  formaldehyde
2.  fragrance=aroma, parfum, phthalates (use essential oils scent)
3.  SLES and SLS  check sodium lauryl sulfate, sodium laureth sulfate, sodium dodecyl sulfate, sodium salt, sulphuric acid, monododecyl ester
4.  triclosan, chloro, phenol, irgasan  (use tea tree oil, grapefruit seed extract)
5.  toluene
other concerns=nanoparticles, nitrosamines (TEA, DEA), parabens, propylene glycol (ethylene glycol, diethylene glycol, polyethylene glycol), retinyl palmitrate (avoid retinol in day time products)

oct -- walked into bedroom and short whiff of perfume reminding me of aunt helen.  disappeared immediately.  how odd--couldn't remember thinking about her

French Vocabulary About Death - Expressing Your Sympathy in French

OCTOBER 26, 2015 | By Camille Chevalier-Karfis |

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After a death, it is not always easy to find the correct words to express one's sympathy. Especially in a foreign language! Here are some words of French vocabulary to talk about death, as well as common sentences to send your condolences.

To Express one’s sympathy, condolence in French

To express your sympathy in French, the most used phrase would be:

Je vous adresse mes (sincères) condoléances – please receive my (sincere) condolences/my sympathy.

Here are other typical examples – I won’t translate them : the words don’t translate well literally but I’m sure you’ll get the idea. Be careful to choose the appropriate politeness formula: vous or tu, and conjugate your verbs accordingly.

• En ces moments difficiles, je tenais à te faire part de mes sincères condoléances.
• Prenant part à votre douleur, je vous présente mes sincères condoléances, à vous et à votre famille.
• C’est avec grande tristesse que nous avons appris le décès de… nous partageons votre peine et vous faisons part de nos sincères condoléances.
• Nous sommes profondément émus par ce deuil qui vous affecte. Dans cette difficile épreuve, nous vous assurons de notre amitié et vous envoyons toute notre affection.
• Nous vous offrons toute notre affection et notre soutien pendant ces moments difficiles. Nous pensons bien fort à vous et à votre famille et vous adressons nos condoléances les plus sincères.
• Je tiens à m’associer à votre peine et à vous apporter tout mon soutien en ces durs moments que la vie nous impose.

A little bit less formal:

• C’est avec une immense tristesse que j’ai appris la mort de…. Je te présente mes condoléances les plus sincères et si tu as besoin de parler, je suis là. Tu peux toujours compter sur moi, n’hésite pas. Bien affectueusement.
• Un petit mot pour dire que nous pensons bien à toi et à toute ta famille dans ces moments difficiles. Je garderai un excellent souvenir de… et de sa gentillesse. Si tu veux te changer les idées et venir nous voir, ça serait avec plaisir. Gros bisous.

To say you won’t be able to attend to the funeral

• Prévenu trop tard pour pouvoir assister à la cérémonie, je tiens que vous sachiez que nous prenons part à votre douleur et soyez assuré de notre soutien le plus sincère.
• Je ne pourrais malheureusement pas être présent aux obsèques et je le regrette sincèrement. Je penserai à vous cependant pendant ces moments éprouvants et vous présente mes affectueuses condoléances pour cette triste épreuve.

To say you will be able to attend the funeral

• Nous nous joindrons à vous pour les funérailles, afin de dire adieu à notre ami.
• Nous viendrons vous témoignez notre soutien lors de la cérémonie organisée en son honneur.

French Vocabulary About Death and Burials

• La mort (t silent) – death
• Le décès – death (more formal)Le deuil – mourning
• Mourir, décéder – to die
• Il est mort (t silent), elle est mort (t pronounced) – he/she is dead
• Il est décédé, elle est décédée – deceased (not to be mistaken with “décider” – to decide)
• Le mort, la morte – the deceased
• Le défunt, la défunte – the deceased
• Le deuil – mourning
• Un enterrement – burial
• Les funérailles (f), les obsèques (f) (old fashioned) – funeral
• La crémation – cremation
• Être enterré – to be buried
• Être incinéré – to be cremated
• Les pompes funèbres – very old French term still used today to say undertakers
• Une tombe, une sépulture – a tomb
• Un cimetière – cemetery
• Un cercueil, (une bière – VERY old term) – a coffin
• Une couronne mortuaire – wreath for funerals
• Un convoi funéraire – a funeral convoy
• Un corbillard – a hearse
• Une urne – a cinerary
• Le corps – the corpse
• Les cendres (f) – the ashes
• Une chambre mortuaire – rest room
• Une veillée mortuaire – a wake
• Un funérarium – a funeral hall
• Une chapelle – a chapel
• Une église – a church
• Un maître de cérémonie – a master of ceremony
• Un crématorium – crematorium
• Laïc – non confessional
• Religieux – religious
• Un faire-part de décès – death announcement
• Un monument funéraire – funeral monument
• Un caveau – a vault
• the adjective “feu” – feu votre femme. It’s a weird adjective that is invariable (so no feminine or plural form) and is like a title, to express the person is dead.
  J’ai bien connu feu votre tante – I knew your (deceased) aunt very well.

Sympathy (la compassion) ≠ la sympathie (= l’amitié, friendship)

Watch out! The words sympathy is not “la sympathie” (Ti sound) in French. “La sympathie” means a positive feeling you have towards a person, sort of friendship (l’amitié).
J’ai beaucoup de sympathie pour lui – I like him a lot.
Il est très sympa(thique – we shorten that word a lot) – he is very nice, cool, friendly
J’ai passé une soirée vraiment sympathique – I had a very pleasant evening.

Funeral Traditions in France

French funeral traditions are not really unique to France. Black is usually worn at the funerals, and the close family can mourn (porter le deuil = wear black for a while) – but the duration is not set.

In small town, it’s not uncommon to have people following a hearse (nowadays mostly a car, sometime a horse pulled hearse – very very old fashioned) on foot to the cemetery. But more and more, the hearse is followed by cars. If you are driving and see such a convoy (the cars will sometimes have a black ribbon or something) you of course don’t cut in them and just wait for the whole line to pass by. People in the convoy may be wearing “un brassard noir” – a black armband.

If you know about the funeral in advance, you can send flowers, or a wreath. But not after the funeral. A note is always appreciated – something handwritten, sometimes a card or just a note. Some funeral have a book where you’ll be able to leave a note.

Open caskets are not common in France. And only very intimate family members would attend to the moment when they close the coffin.

I guess in these matters each family has its own traditions, so you should be ready to adapt should you attend a French funeral. Some people are very religious, others are not. Some people hold a gathering after the ceremony, some don’t. Most people cry, but it’s not uncommon to try to keep it together and show a straight face. There is often some music during the ceremony – traditionally classical, but not always.

I hope you found this article useful – if you have suggestions – I am not always sure of the English terms I used, please leave a comment below.

Far from me to proselytize, but you may be interested in my reading of The Catholic Mass in French (with audio) and the Hail Mary (with audio).

Note also that in France, “la Toussaint” – All Saints Day (November 1st) is very much celebrated: people go to the cemeteries and put fresh flowers on the tombs of their relatives and friends. You’ll find more on this topic in my article about Halloween in France.